Share your *Granny Moments* with us for our big birthday bash!!

[LisasMom]

Yes, ladies, put your blushes aside and fess up to those *Granny Moments*!! You know we wouldn't think of laughing or poking fun at you about them http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd317/JakesNana/LOL/laugh.gif, so feel free to tell the world about those embarassing moments! We all have them, grannies and GITs alike, so don't be shy! (Although some people may refer to them as *Blonde Moments*, we know them by their correct name!!)

Just another little fun part of the big Granny Birthday Bash on April 23. Enter as often as you like; Carolyn is diverting some of the scrapping swap prizes over here for random draws. Same rules apply here as over there, whatever they are! Although I must stress the importance of the *No Drinking* while reading rule for obvious reasons!!

Let's have some fun while we're dressing our flatties and scrapping our swaps, chit-chat away!!

[bethliz]

oh i have a really good one and the girls in the DET know all about it...so do my family and they all think it hilarious...here is the story...something funnee i would like to share with you guys.....i was busily scrapping for the DET contest...hair raising stuff indeed...lol...we had the night before won a fruit and vege tray at the local club...which was all well and good...i decided to wash the potatoes...it was about a 2kg bag of really dirty potatoes..lol...i stuck them all in the sink ready to be washed...in the meantime i had filled the washing machine with water ready to soak some of my dh work clothes...he is a diesel mechanic..so you can imagine how dirty they are....so i thought well dirty clothes...dirty potatoes....hmm...i can get these potatoes clean without having to scrub them...so in the machine with some clothes went the potatoes...in hot water mind you...they washed away happily...whilst i went back to scrapping....after a while i got up again and checked the washing machine...to my utter horror the potatoes were not only clean but also peeled...lol...lol...well i had a mess i tell you...oooops...took me longer to clean up the mess than it would have taken to clean the potatoes by hand...i did not tell my dh about it...afraid i would get into trouble...but eventually i did and he laughed and laughed and laughed....a big sigh of relief...yeah and the washing machine and his clothes are the no worse for wear...alls well that ends well...the moral of the story is to scrap and not worry about the housework or the cooking...do one thing at a time and don't ever wash the potatoes in the washing machine.... as seen in the DET thread...enjoy....cheers liz

[sammdc]

hahahahahahahah liz damn didnt read the rule about no drinkign while reading and I jsut spat diet coke on my monitor hahahahahaha and possibly wet myself a bit too hehehehehehe sorry TMI

[sammdc]

Donn doesnt allow me to touch his clothes and the washing machine at the same time

the first yr I went there i put on a load of his white underwear and undershirts with something red and needless to say they ended up pink and then Christmas 06 I bought Donn 3 new pairs of sweat pants and decided to wash them well not being real familar with the colour and shape of the soap powder bottles I accidentially washed Donns clothes in Bleach oooops so they now very nice tie dyed house clothes

[LisasMom]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Carolyn, been there, done that!! In fact, this bowling season, I took the kids' shirts to the cleaners each time because I was afraid of turning them pink! Phil's was mostly white with red sleeves and Lisa's was mostly red but with some white too. I just knew if I even thought about trying, they'd turn pink!

Liz, can't say the same to you!! Never been there or done that! I don't think I would have even thought of it which is strange considering how lazy I am! I may have thought about putting them in the dishwasher if I had one though!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[LisasMom]

My first story was just recent. Shortly after I asked dh to move out, I had to call on him to help me - needless to say he was not happy about it! Lisa and I had gone shopping in a town about 15 miles away. I had just sold my van so I was driving my son's car - which I wasn't real familiar with. Anyways, when we came out from shopping, the car wouldn't start!!! Oh man!!! It didn't even click or anything - nothing at all! I called Phillip and asked him if he had been having problems, told him what was happening, but of course he had no clue what to do. So I called dh! :yikes: He was fuming but drove over to help us. After he got there, he came up to the window and said to try it. Nothing. He looked in and said "You idgit, the gear is still in drive!!" (Well, he said something other than *idgit* but I won't repeat HIS word!) I had never ever had a car that you could get the key out or the door open without buzzing if the car was still in gear! Still, I felt like a fool but didn't learn my lesson then! Later in the week, I left it in gear when I shut it off and later found it had rolled a little off the pavement and onto the grass a few inches!

[evergreen100]

This one happened just last week!! I went to the supermarket for a few things, came out and headed to our car...There was a lady putting things in the boot!!!!..and looking at me with a very strange look on her face!!! "Why is she putting things in our boot" I thought as I went to open the door. Meanwhile a car in the next row was madly tooting its horn...I looked up in irritation to see my hubby vigorously trying to attract my attention to where our car REALLY was!!! (How embarrassing that he happened to be with me that day:D:D)

I'm sure I will think of lots more "Granny moments" to record in this thread before we reach our birthday...believe me I have had lots of them (Granny moments that is, although I have had quite a few birthdays as well:D:))

[Ineke]

I have a washing machine story as well - when DH came back from one of his numerous trips overseas he just put all his stuff to be washed in the laundry and I without checking pockets stuck it all in the washing machine (now you think he would have checked the pockets himself first wouldnt you)
Much to my horror I found a very soggy and ruined passport when I went to peg out the clothes, this particular passport was very dear to him because I think he only travels such a lot so that he can collect stamps in there and this one was nearly full:eek: :eek:
So of course he had to replace the passport and explain to immigration that his wife had put it in the wash::lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :

[bethliz]

oh i will have to try the dishwasher out...that sounds like it will work...lol...i know the dishwasher does a fantatic job of all the bits in the oven...first spray with oven cleaner leave for a while until all the grotte is loose then whack them in the dishwasher with some powder and put on a long wash and they come out looking like new..no scrubbing...yeah i have had that car problem before too...lol...i am such a dunderhead at times i wonder how i get through life...oh yeah it is the scrapping that makes me sain...lol...lol...lol...cheers liz

[mariafer]

Well I have never posted in the granny thread but keep meaning too... does that count! I am just loving your stories! Good thing I didn't have a drink with me.

I am not granny age but this did happen so I thought I would give you a laugh. My husban was out of town and I had really bad allergies so I decided to call in pizza for dinner. Well I called a place ordered and when I gave them my address they gave me a different location number. I did the same thing and about 2 minutes later they called and said they were transferring my order to another location because they did not service me. Well I patiently wait and another 5 minutes later the new location calls with the same problem and starts asking for street directions. By now about 30 minutes have passed and I am fuming. Kids are hungry, my head is hurting and I am no longer in a good mood. The first place I call calls me back and this nice young man (me not so nice) asks me for my address AGAIN and then he wants to know my nearest intersection. Then he politely tells me: Mam, (I am a mam even if I am not a granny) You can't live East and be where you tell me you are. Since I know nothing of East, West, etc. I am perplexed and caught of gaurd so I tell him you know I think I know where I live and that is my address but just for your sake I am going to look at a bill and read you my address. Well when I did I realized I was giving him our old address from another city! My husband is sure I got spit on my pizza but that is okay it tasted really good anyway! BTW, our move had been a year and a half before... not sure what I was thinking.

[evergreen100]

You certainly sound like you belong in the Granny thread Mariafer:D:D

[Christine]

:lol: OH! Tears are running down my face! Thanks for the ab work out. :D

[GrandmaCrys]

This is going to be a great thread to read when one's feeling down and needs lifting....or better yet, if one has done something particularly stupid and wants to feel as though they're not in the boat alone! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[dagwood]

while we are talking about washing machines....this is a secret, please don't tell 'he who goes out to work'....he went to a work conference in another state in the days before we had a casino in our state. After the conference they all went off to the casino. Luckily for me DH drank so much that night he didn't remember winning heaps of lovely doh which he just kept stuffing into his pants pockets.....thats the only time I didn't mind doing the washing!!!!! I didn't find it until the money had gone through the machine, but I hung it out on the line and waited for it to dry....I never meant to keep the money:no: I was always going to give it back as soon as he asked for it:yes: but he never remembered winning it :lol: he must have thought he had lost it all again:lol: because he never asked me about it:D .... Lucky me!!:yahoo: :yahoo: :yahoo:

[evergreen100]

You are a wicked woman Daggs:D:D!!!

[GailS]

I have a kind of racy story to tell about a situation I had years ago involving an ummm....--- toy and an airport.....I am always asked to tell it and pretty much the whole world knows anyway (except my MOM!).......would anyone be offended if I posted it? Don't want any of you to keel over with apoplexy.... :eek:

edit: LOL, it bleeped me out already! I think you get the gist of it though! I can tell it without getting bleeped though ;) It's not full of bad words!

[wuvie]

hahahahahahahah liz damn didnt read the rule about no drinkign while reading and I jsut spat diet coke on my monitor hahahahahaha and possibly wet myself a bit too hehehehehehe sorry TMI
Welcome to the liquid up the nose group :tup:

[wuvie]

Gosh I have so many "granny" moments, I blame it on be a blonde :yes:
I guess the one that pops to mind first would be the "5 minute Hamberger Helper"
Those of you that know me, know I love love to cook, but I wasn't always that way. When I got married, I couldn't boil an egg. About that same time Hamberger Helper came out. Now I had seen it on TV hundreds of times and thought it was a gift from the gods. I had to have it!! So I got it, and I proptly did just like they did on TV. I put everything in the pan, turned it on, put the cover on and let it cook. :tup:
For about 5 minutes :eek:
Scooped it in to a bowl and proudly placed it in front of my DH.
Well, raw hamburger and uncooked macaroni didn't appeal much to him :doh:
The sad part, when he asked what happen, I honestly didn't know (told you I was blonde)

[LisasMom]

I have a kind of racy story to tell about a situation I had years ago involving an ummm....--- toy and an airport.....I am always asked to tell it and pretty much the whole world knows anyway (except my MOM!).......would anyone be offended if I posted it? Don't want any of you to keel over with apoplexy.... :eek:

edit: LOL, it bleeped me out already! I think you get the gist of it though! I can tell it without getting bleeped though ;) It's not full of bad words!

Gail, We'd really like to hear it. Use lots of stars on the words that might get bleeped, we can fill in the blanks! And don't worry about us having a stroke, RobbieR has some of us *wishing* for one with her post #38291 on page 2553. Check it out! That post might also clue you in on how *racy* we really are! :eek: :eek:

[evergreen100]

Dont DO that Gail!!!! It is bad for Grannies health to leave us hanging there waiting!!!:D:D Was it REALLY bleeped or are you pulling our legs?? I wont be offended and I wont keel over, I promise!!! Hope your Mum doesnt read the Granny pages:)

[evergreen100]

iwuvpsp...what's wrong with crunchy macaroni I want to know!!!!!:D:D:

[wuvie]

I have a kind of racy story to tell about a situation I had years ago involving an ummm....--- toy and an airport.....I am always asked to tell it and pretty much the whole world knows anyway (except my MOM!).......would anyone be offended if I posted it? Don't want any of you to keel over with apoplexy.... :eek:

edit: LOL, it bleeped me out already! I think you get the gist of it though! I can tell it without getting bleeped though ;) It's not full of bad words!

OK, I tried not to say anything, but now it is stuck in my head, you have to tell us this story!! (things stuck in my head tend to rattle loudly and wake others up)

[sammdc]

hehehe so if we going racy I have a story to tell... I actually won a competition on a radio for most embarrassing story with what I am about to tell you....

The first time I went to America I took a video camera with me and every time we went some where int he car I would film out side the car window wellllll on this particular day we were driving through the swamps of Louisiana right in the Bayou country so awesome scenery but Donn and I just continued to chat away and flirt and be silly with each other and talk about all sorts of things. So now jump forward to I have just walked into my house in Australia with my mum dad and 2 daughters and there very eager to watch my video so in it goes totally unedited and everything going great till we get to the part of the drive in Louisiana and suddenly Donn and I are discussing Miracle Whip and and the many different things you could put it on (yes we went there in a very graphic way in the conversation) well needless to say You can never find the remote when you need it so I am sitting int he lounge room with my kids and parents while this blasted video is playing showing all the lovely swamps of Louisiana while Donn and i have this very explicit conversation I think I started yelling coughing sneezing anything to distract and drown out the conversation on the tape while i rapidly tried to turn the darn thing off.

[evergreen100]

:D:D:DCaro...how embarrassment!!!

[dagwood]

I was going to blame the cat for my puddle under the chair, but I am laughing to much at Caro scrambling around the floor looking for the remote!!!!

Gail, please tell us more!!!

[GailS]

OK, I read Robbie's post....hilarious!!! However....Margie is on a cruise so I have a week before she calls me :shocked:

Here it goes, kinda long but you need the background: I had to fly to Dallas from Chicago for a business trip with a co worker. I had packed a se* toy (I'll call it a giraffe here to keep it clean) since I was going to be gone a week (this was a long time ago mind you...well before 9/11...and no, I don't know what I was thinking...lol). Anyway, I forgot to bring my driver's license and had no ID with me so it took everything I had to get them to let me on the plane. Of course, since I had no ID, my bags had to be checked by hand...and by the grace of God, either they didn't find my giraffe or just never said anything.

On the way home....I figured it was gonna be the same routine, so I carefully wrapped my giraffe in my underwear. Dirty underwear, mind you, and buried in that suitcase. Again, they manually went through my bag and didn't find it....whew!!!

So, I'm all confident that I've made it through security and am on my way home without any giraffe issues to embarrass me. My co worker and I board the plane, it fills up, and the plane starts to back away from the gate.

Then...the plane jerks to a halt...and over the loudspeaker I hear: "Would passenger Gail Simpson please come to the front of the aircraft?" Oh, crap....I get up there (every annoyed passenger watching me) and the stew says, "This security officer would like to have a word with you." This BIG guy was standing there, and I when I asked him what was wrong, he said: "I'm sorry, ma'am, but your suitcase is vibrating and we need you to unlock it so we can see what's in there."

Let me tell you...I almost lost it for wanting to giggle out loud...I had to go back to my seat, get my key, and go down a portable stairway with this guy to the tarmac. And when I stepped out of that plane.....with who knows how many people on the left side of the plane watching me.....I saw, there on the tarmac, my lone suitcase many yards away, surrounded by four men dressed in black who were watching it warily.

Oh, and the humiliation doesn't stop there! I knelt down to unlock the suitcase...and just before I opened it, I looked up....and ALL FIVE of those guys had their faces INCHES away from me, wanting to see!!! (guess they thought it was safe at that point...lol) I looked up at the guy who dragged me down there, and just said..."It's my giraffe....I can show you, but do they all have to see it too??" He made them go away, and I dug out the dirty underwear and pulled out the giraffe, which had started by itself and was still going full blast, showed it to him (and probably all those passengers staring at me), and I bet he turned seventeen different shades of red...after I packed it back up (sans batteries), I had to get back on that plane, and never knew if anyone else knew what had happened, except my co worker (who is still trying to figure out how they ever heard it going over the roar of the plane engines), who made sure that everyone back at the office heard about it!

[sammdc]

GAIL I am hysterical I mean seriously hysterical tears streaming down my face here see I knew there was a good reason why I never pack anything like that hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

and I hope you dont mind but i simply have to share this story with Donn

[GailS]

OMG Carolyn! I just spewed a potato chip.......LOLOL! You MUST have me beat! LMBO.....at least my parents were spared! (oh and guess I gotta give Miracle Whip some more thought....lol :o )

Oh.....Did I type that out loud??? :doh:

[Lynnie]

Oh My Gosh.....

Oh My Gosh...

Oh My Gosh...

[evergreen100]

:eek: :eek: Miracle Whip??? Giraffes???? I'm sure I have NO idea what you are talking about:think: :think: , but then you guys are YOUNG Grans and GITs:D:D

I think these stories will be VERY hard to top!!!!:D

[Ineke]

Oh my gosh here as well - I am blushing just reading these stories - gee I must lead a very sheltered life!!:eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

[Jenni]

Good gracious mercy!!! You all have me in tears I am laughing so hard! I have been in some funny threads but this takes the cake without a doubt.

OK, as far as sharing a story I can only think of one that would be worth sharing. When Bill and Cole were little and we had just moved to Fort Worth, Will was out of of town and I took the boys to a friend's house for dinner. When we came back I took Cole out of his car seat and carried him into the house with my purse and keys. He was mad about something and when I went to get Bill out of his car seat Cole flipped the lock on the garage door, with my keys and purse inside.... I tried everything to get him to flip the lock back but it was hopeless....he was just a baby. I panicked and ran next door (I hadn't had the chance to meet them yet) to see if they could help. We again tried everything but we gave up and called a locksmith to come unlock the door. The couple next door was a young married couple with no kids yet.....he was a HS football coach and she was a "just too cute" teacher. ANYWAY, as we are waiting for the locksmith Bill decides he has to use the bathroom and they said we could come inside to use theirs. Bill got done and instead of coming back outside he scooted into their office. I went in to grab him and on their screensaver was a great big photo of her bare behind in a red thong! OMG!!!!!! I about died right there on the spot and THANKFULLY got out before they realized where I was. In the two years we were in Fort Worth I could never see them without thinking of that thong picture and trying not to laugh!

[Sharon1313]

I'm in tears too... thanks for sharing... this is some of the funniest mental pictures I've ever had...

[RobbieR]

hehehe so if we going racy I have a story to tell... I actually won a competition on a radio for most embarrassing story with what I am about to tell you....

The first time I went to America I took a video camera with me and every time we went some where int he car I would film out side the car window wellllll on this particular day we were driving through the swamps of Louisiana right in the Bayou country so awesome scenery but Donn and I just continued to chat away and flirt and be silly with each other and talk about all sorts of things. So now jump forward to I have just walked into my house in Australia with my mum dad and 2 daughters and there very eager to watch my video so in it goes totally unedited and everything going great till we get to the part of the drive in Louisiana and suddenly Donn and I are discussing Miracle Whip and and the many different things you could put it on (yes we went there in a very graphic way in the conversation) well needless to say You can never find the remote when you need it so I am sitting int he lounge room with my kids and parents while this blasted video is playing showing all the lovely swamps of Louisiana while Donn and i have this very explicit conversation I think I started yelling coughing sneezing anything to distract and drown out the conversation on the tape while i rapidly tried to turn the darn thing off.

Now that story almost gave me a stroke from laughing too hard!

[mariafer]

Ok... This is hilarious! You guys have me LOL and I am afraid I will wake up the kids...

[RobbieR]

OK, I read Robbie's post....hilarious!!! However....Margie is on a cruise so I have a week before she calls me :shocked:

Here it goes, kinda long but you need the background: I had to fly to Dallas from Chicago for a business trip with a co worker. I had packed a se* toy (I'll call it a giraffe here to keep it clean) since I was going to be gone a week (this was a long time ago mind you...well before 9/11...and no, I don't know what I was thinking...lol). Anyway, I forgot to bring my driver's license and had no ID with me so it took everything I had to get them to let me on the plane. Of course, since I had no ID, my bags had to be checked by hand...and by the grace of God, either they didn't find my giraffe or just never said anything.

On the way home....I figured it was gonna be the same routine, so I carefully wrapped my giraffe in my underwear. Dirty underwear, mind you, and buried in that suitcase. Again, they manually went through my bag and didn't find it....whew!!!


So, I'm all confident that I've made it through security and am on my way home without any giraffe issues to embarrass me. My co worker and I board the plane, it fills up, and the plane starts to back away from the gate.

Then...the plane jerks to a halt...and over the loudspeaker I hear: "Would passenger Gail Simpson please come to the front of the aircraft?" Oh, crap....I get up there (every annoyed passenger watching me) and the stew says, "This security officer would like to have a word with you." This BIG guy was standing there, and I when I asked him what was wrong, he said: "I'm sorry, ma'am, but your suitcase is vibrating and we need you to unlock it so we can see what's in there."

Let me tell you...I almost lost it for wanting to giggle out loud...I had to go back to my seat, get my key, and go down a portable stairway with this guy to the tarmac. And when I stepped out of that plane.....with who knows how many people on the left side of the plane watching me.....I saw, there on the tarmac, my lone suitcase many yards away, surrounded by four men dressed in black who were watching it warily.

Oh, and the humiliation doesn't stop there! I knelt down to unlock the suitcase...and just before I opened it, I looked up....and ALL FIVE of those guys had their faces INCHES away from me, wanting to see!!! (guess they thought it was safe at that point...lol) I looked up at the guy who dragged me down there, and just said..."It's my giraffe....I can show you, but do they all have to see it too??" He made them go away, and I dug out the dirty underwear and pulled out the giraffe, which had started by itself and was still going full blast, showed it to him (and probably all those passengers staring at me), and I bet he turned seventeen different shades of red...after I packed it back up (sans batteries), I had to get back on that plane, and never knew if anyone else knew what had happened, except my co worker (who is still trying to figure out how they ever heard it going over the roar of the plane engines), who made sure that everyone back at the office heard about it!

I think I remember you saying that you were a telecom gal; If not you should be. Sounds like many a story I've heard over the years. ROTFL.

[GailS]

OH Jenni........lmbo.......I got this PERFECT mental picture of you chasing your son down and your face when you saw that photo........lololol What a hoot!

And Robbie, yes, I'm a telecom gal :D

[RobbieR]

Well I sure can't top those stories but here are a few of my most wonderful moments.

1) Before I retired I was a manager in a telecom IT dept. I supported a software program that was used to quote prices on business telephone systems. We made some changes to the software and I wrote a memo outline all the changes we had made and I meant to use a lovely phrase about a shift in the format; but of course my fingers were just a tad off and my shift lost and f; now that little f was kind of important as spell check liked the other word, too. I sent the memo out using a 9 state company distribution list. Boy did I get calls! They went mostly like this " what the he__ did you do to the format? I think the IT dept has done that to the format before but this is the first time they ever sent a memo advising the field. Yeehaw!!

2) I was in a big sweat one day about something and sent a page (I thought) to my DH. I simply typed on my I-Pager "CALL ME NOW". Quick as a flash my phone rings and I start to answer and see my CEO's name and number. I didn't think much about it as he called our dept frequently. I answer the phone and he says sounding concerned "Is everything OK?" I, puzzled say yes everthing is fine. He then says I got this page from you saying "CALL ME NOW", I thought there was an emergency. I about to pee in my pants; apologize profusely saying I was trying to page DH.

3) This is not a Granny moment, It happened several years ago, I was taking a class in Charlotte at a community college. It had these great big tall oak trees on campus. I'm walking to class carrying my books and minding my own business when I'm attacked by a squirrel. It had actually made a flying leap to another branch which it missed and it came plummeting out of the sky only to land on my head. It almost knocked me out. You know how squirrels are; this one immediately tried to correct itself and made a correction on top of my head; scratching the heck out of the top of my head and forehead. I drew quite a crowd! Of course I had to act unconcerned telling everyone that I was fine as I walked away trying valiantly not to stagger. Everytime there is a news story about a rampaging squirrel one of my dear friends or family feels that they must forward it to me with a Robbie, they found your squirrel.

No exciting se_ stories although when I was a kid I was a long distance telephone operator. We still had cord boards, and you had a push to talk key in front of the cord pairs that conneced your customers to each other. We were working the night shift and I was talking about one of the guys at work to the girl next to me. Just as I said "what a pervert" I heard my customer say softly "who said that". I looked down and I had pushed the key open with a night log book that we kept. I closed the talk key as quick as a flash and hoped he thought it was the voice of "God". ROTFL!!!

[GailS]

Funny stories, Robbie!!! LOLOL!! I especially liked the one about "the voice of God"........but then, I'll never look at a squirrel the same way again either! :lol: TFS!!!

[wuvie]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: .............. now I gotta go p

[Tina]

oh my you guys! words cannot express..............lolololol!

[Vallie]

When I worked in a government office, we had to write up the statistics for the training courses conducted over the last 3 months. I typed up the list and to fit the details in columns across the page some things had to be slightly abbreviated. My boss came back laughing and said, have a look at this. One of the courses was called Systems Analysis and I had shortened it to Systems Anal!!!! :lol:

[sammdc]

sorry sitting here laughing out loud at these stories and had to share my mirth
the squirrel story got me in stitches.

[webfrau]

Oh my there's some very ungrannylike behaviour going on in this thread!!!! At least MY granny would never have behaved like that!! :)

[evergreen100]

:D They just don't make 'em like they used to, webfrau:D:D

[dagwood]

oh my golly gosh....I thought this was a granny thread....what sort of examples are we setting for our GIT.......

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[sammdc]

hehehehehe well i think it maybe be some of the GITs telling the stories

[Sharon1313]

This is not a Granny moment, It happened several years ago, I was taking a class in Charlotte at a community college. It had these great big tall oak trees on campus. I'm walking to class carrying my books and minding my own business when I'm attacked by a squirrel. It had actually made a flying leap to another branch which it missed and it came plummeting out of the sky only to land on my head. It almost knocked me out. You know how squirrels are; this one immediately tried to correct itself and made a correction on top of my head; scratching the heck out of the top of my head and forehead. I drew quite a crowd! Of course I had to act unconcerned telling everyone that I was fine as I walked away trying valiantly not to stagger. Everytime there is a news story about a rampaging squirrel one of my dear friends or family feels that they must forward it to me with a Robbie, they found your squirrel.ROTFL!!!

Robbie, all your stories were funny but this one is over the top. :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Thanks for sharing!

[GailS]

Oh my there's some very ungrannylike behaviour going on in this thread!!!! At least MY granny would never have behaved like that!! :)

It's CAROLYN's fault.....she started it....! :p :p :p (gotta love it though!) :love3:

[Kerr]

OMG....Mayo, Giraffes, sticky keyboards, food in the washer, I swear I have nearly passed out from lack of oxygen from laughing and crying so hard. The puddle below me is now essentially a pool, my keyboard is now on the fritz due to the warning I DIDNT take into consideration, and my monitor is on total meltdown due to the Starbucks placed not so neatly in little spews all over it.

[GailS]

When I worked in a government office, we had to write up the statistics for the training courses conducted over the last 3 months. I typed up the list and to fit the details in columns across the page some things had to be slightly abbreviated. My boss came back laughing and said, have a look at this. One of the courses was called Systems Analysis and I had shortened it to Systems Anal!!!! :lol:

LOL Vallie! And no smart aleck remarks about it always having been that way??? :shocked:

[sammdc]

OMG....Mayo, Giraffes, sticky keyboards, food in the washer, I swear I have nearly passed out from lack of oxygen from laughing and crying so hard. The puddle below me is now essentially a pool, my keyboard is now on the fritz due to the warning I DIDNT take into consideration, and my monitor is on total meltdown due to the Starbucks placed not so neatly in little spews all over it.



psssssst it was miracle whip not Mayo heheheheeheh have you know they have different qualities

[sammdc]

It's CAROLYN's fault.....she started it....! :p :p :p (gotta love it though!) :love3:

ooooooooo its lies wasn't me at all I was lead astray by some one talking about giraffes

[GrandmaCrys]

Well, we definitely aren't *your mothers' grannies*!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I'm with Inky - I've been wayyyy too sheltered all my life!

[LisasMom]

Caro, are you talking about Miracle Whip which is an artificial type mayo or do you mean Cool Whip, which is a artificial type whipped cream topping? I just can't see as much fun in Miracle Whip as I can in Cool Whip!! :eek: :eek: :eek:

[lizzanne]

and all this time i thought the miracle whip would have been because its a bit of an oil.....not for taste!

[shazzt]

You grannies are a bad influence on us all!! Long may it continue!!!! :) Thanks for sharing ladies, you have made my night.

[yvspeck]

Oh it is so true…. Laughter is THE BEST medicine... Thanks ladies for giving me the leakest and much need boost..... This is so why I love this group!

[wuvie]

Thanks ladies for giving me the leakest and much need boost

:eek: Clean up on page 4!! I will get the mop....



;)

[wuvie]

You grannies are a bad influence on us all!!

GOAL!!! :clap: :yahoo:

[mariafer]

Well I had another granny moment today.. And was found out by my 4 yr old of all things... makes me wonder where my mind went!

My van is under the weather and getting worked on so I am carless (husband needed the car today.) My neighbor called to tell me I could get a ride with her to swim class with my kids. I was so excited and started yelling and rejoicing (have been in the house all day!) asked my 4 yr old to get her swim suit on that we were going to swim class. She looked at me very nicely and said.. "mama, but we can't go. We don't have any car seats.) So here we are at DSP instead and they are being baby sat by the TV! All that excitement for nothing! You would have thought I would have figured out we needed car seats before she did...

[yvspeck]

This one has been a family favorite for a few years now….. My son, daughter in law, hubby and I were sharing a room in Vegas. I was having trouble falling asleep as there seemed to be some kind of party going in on our floor. Lots of foot traffic and loud voices. As I am laying in bed I see a beam of light from the area of our rooms entrance door and the soft clicking of a door closing…. Now I know my hubby is snoring beside me and my son and his wife are asleep in the bed next to us…. So who opened our door???. My heart starts to pound…. I am thinking CSI episodes now and am just about to nudge hubby when the light beams again and the door clicks again… I feel someone bump the end of our bed… I tried to scream…. I tried to shout…… but I lost my voice from shear fright…… I did the only thing I could think to do….. I started kicking at the end of the bed with all the strength I had in me, big, laying on my back, scissor kicks and as I kicked the screams started trickling out , garbled by the kicking but ear piercing. My daughter in law starts screaming as well… On flicked the light… “What they hell ” my hubby and son want to know am I doing? I open my eyes, yes they were closed, hey who needs eyesight to kick the crap out of an potential ax murderer, and there at the end of my bed is my very frightened daughter in law who had gotten up to use the bathroom…I must have finally fallen asleep, not realized it, not heard her get up to use the bathroom and let my very over active imagination run away with me….I don’t think I have to tell you how much teasing I took and still take for that priceless episode… The garbled scream that came from my lungs that night sounded something like a turkey’s cry. That along with the sight of me kicking my legs like a crazy woman while laying on my back in bed had to be a pretty hysterical one. Anytime this family needs someone brave they call on the “Great Kicking Turkey” to come to the rescue!

[yvspeck]

For the next few hours as we all tried to fall back to sleep my hubby and son had more fun gobbling like a turkey... Then we would all start laughing all over again... I am so surprised hotel secruity didn't get called to our room.. I really screamed!!!!!!

[mariafer]

For the next few hours as we all tried to fall back to sleep my hubby and son had more fun gobbling like a turkey... Then we would all start laughing all over again... I am so surprised hotel secruity didn't get called to our room.. I really screamed!!!!!!

Now that story is hard to beat! Very funny. I imagine no one wants to stay with you in a hotel room :lol:

[GrandmaCrys]

Oh, Kim, ROTFLMBFAO!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm surprised someone from across the street doesn't come to see what's so funny over here.

Your story had me absolutely rolling in the aisles, but your next post drove me right over the edge!

I will never again be able to think of you the same, My Friend! gobble..gobble...

[Lauren]

Ok My story isnt near as funny as some of the ones Ive read
I was 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby ( Cameron)
We had been to an antenatal class where wed learned a bit about what happens when your waters break - and we had also done some exercises .
I went to bed as normal and about 2am woke up feeling a little weird - I felt down "below" and i was quite wet. just my middle area was wet - including the sheets .
I wondered if Id wet myself ( not that that had ever happened before ) and sniffed and no - it had no smell - so I woke Steve up and said - "I think my waters have broken .
He rang the hospital and they asked if I was having any pain. I said well no not really but I do feel a bit achy in the back.
So they told us to come straight in and they would call in my doctor.
Doctor duely arrives and gives me an exam and a test and is very perplexed. He says - well it really doesnt look like your waters have broken - doesnt even look like a slow leak . They were all very confused.
So we went home. On the way I turned to Steve and said - you dont think that maybe - by chance - the waterbed has a leak?????
Sure enough - we got home and checked and there was a tiny hole on my side of the bed . I guess because my heaviest bit was around my middle that was where the water had accumulated and of course the ache was from the exercises we had done earlier in the day.
We rang the hospital back and they were in hystserics - the doctor said it was likely to be the only time he was called out in the middle of the night to a burst waterbed.


The funniest part of this story is that when I was pregnant with my 3rd baby - at 35 weeks - the exact same thing happened again - although I was smart enough this time to check the bed BEFORE I rang the hospital!!!
Needless to say that was the end of the water bed - no more waterbeds ( and no more babies ) for me!!!

[Jenni]

Yes Lauren, it is just as funny!:lol:

[GrandmaCrys]

Oh, Lauren that is hysterical! Hard to imagine it happening twice; but see how much smarter you were the second time? :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[yvspeck]

Lauren that one is a true classic that any Mom or Grandma can relate to... Too funny!

[webfrau]

Excellent tale Lauren - to have it happen twice is almost unbelievable. LOL!

[Lynnie]

There are some pretty funny stories here :)

[Christine]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Ohhhh! You guys are hilarious! Kim now I get the turkey reference in our blinkie, too funny!

Lauren, I had a waterbed thru all 4 kids and thankfully that never happened. I can just see you thinking you had sprung a leak. :lol:

[Christine]

I just read these all to my dh and he was is laughing now too!

OK I have one, and unfortunately this just happened last summer, so I can't even claim that it was a long time ago.

You probably all know how we go to Mexico every summer. We always drive down, in our HUGE white truck, stopping for fun activities along the way, making it part of the trip. We always stop in Phoenix at this place that has waterslides and an arcade, etc. As we were leaving the place, walking down the rows of the parking lot, dd1 starts saying we are on the wrong row, for our truck. No, I say we are not. She is the oldest and quite convinced that she is always right, so she continues to argue, finally in exasperation, I point ahead and say, "See that big ol' fat, white butt, sticking out there? We are on the right row." Unbeknownst to me, we were passing a rather large, black lady in white shorts who was bent over, getting some stuff out of the back of her van. I hear her say, "What you talking about ho?!" I kept walking along, not realizing she was talking to me. About 5 cars later, I realize what just transpired and start giggling. I thought about going back and trying to apologize, but knew it would only make matters worse. :lol:

[GrandmaCrys]

Oh, Gundi, that's hilarious! No wonder red is your favorite color; you probably wear it well! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Lynnie]

Back when I was first taking care of Chris, they were training us on home care, which included flushing IVs, retracking IV lines through the monitor, etc. We learned everything, I took careful notes and wham! we were on our own.

About 1/2 hour after the home care had left, I hear the beeping of IV alarm, so I went through, checked the threading and reset. A few minutes later, it went off again, so again I rethreaded and reset. Again it went off, again I rethreaded. After the fourth time, I thought perhaps the line needed flushing, so I went and did a saline flush on the line and STILL it went off...

I was getting worried and read through the instructions one more time, did everything again and STILL the beeping went off... so, feeling a little panicked, I called the home care and they shipped someone out in the middle of the night to resolve the issue, bringing a new IV monitor.

We replace the monitor, rethread everything, do the flush and the alarm goes off again. The technician got an odd look on her face and said "Is that the alarm?" I said "Yes, it is."

She reached down and picked up my purse, which was sitting at the base of the IV stand and handed it to me without a word....

So THAT's what my new pager sounded like!!

[Lynnie]

Or the time my boss called and needed something and I asked "May I hold you?" instead of "May I put you on hold."

And the next day when I did the same thing to a client.

[Jenni]

OK, Lynnie and Gundi....your stories are totally classic, but Chris, knowing how very sweet you are the vision in my mind of you referring to that "big old white butt" and her response had me laughing so hard that my three year old just walked over to see what I was laughing at. That story is going to be repeated to Will tonight!:lol: :lol:

[Christine]

Oh, Gundi, that's hilarious! No wonder red is your favorite color; you probably wear it well! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Why yes, yes I do! :lol:

[lizzanne]

I'm going to catch up with all your senior moments just as soon as I post my latest....because if I don't do it right as it happens, I can't even remember what they are!
so....my latest senior moment was just a minute ago. Or should I say a "couple" of minutes ago when I couldn't get into dsp. Now I know there are them times when I REALLY can't get in, but this was my own fault!
trying and trying to get in and getting frustrated because it wouldn't let me, and then i realized i was putting in my email address instead of user name. Soooooooooo, once i realized that, i figured ok..here we go, i'm in!!! but nope...still not getting in.
i once again tried and tried and looked at name...yep...user name, not email addy.
so whats the problem. DUH! i was using my password for my email address instead of my sign in for dsp.
now i feel really senior!

[lizzanne]

This one has been a family favorite for a few years now….. My son, daughter in law, hubby and I were sharing a room in Vegas. I was having trouble falling asleep as there seemed to be some kind of party going in on our floor. Lots of foot traffic and loud voices. As I am laying in bed I see a beam of light from the area of our rooms entrance door and the soft clicking of a door closing…. Now I know my hubby is snoring beside me and my son and his wife are asleep in the bed next to us…. So who opened our door???. My heart starts to pound…. I am thinking CSI episodes now and am just about to nudge hubby when the light beams again and the door clicks again… I feel someone bump the end of our bed… I tried to scream…. I tried to shout…… but I lost my voice from shear fright…… I did the only thing I could think to do….. I started kicking at the end of the bed with all the strength I had in me, big, laying on my back, scissor kicks and as I kicked the screams started trickling out , garbled by the kicking but ear piercing. My daughter in law starts screaming as well… On flicked the light… “What they hell ” my hubby and son want to know am I doing? I open my eyes, yes they were closed, hey who needs eyesight to kick the crap out of an potential ax murderer, and there at the end of my bed is my very frightened daughter in law who had gotten up to use the bathroom…I must have finally fallen asleep, not realized it, not heard her get up to use the bathroom and let my very over active imagination run away with me….I don’t think I have to tell you how much teasing I took and still take for that priceless episode… The garbled scream that came from my lungs that night sounded something like a turkey’s cry. That along with the sight of me kicking my legs like a crazy woman while laying on my back in bed had to be a pretty hysterical one. Anytime this family needs someone brave they call on the “Great Kicking Turkey” to come to the rescue!

I think you must have been part of the party!!

[lizzanne]

Lauren, at least when you really start the granny leaking you have a story stuck in your mind and you can blame it on the waterbed still!

[evergreen100]

....DUH! i was using my password for my email address instead of my sign in for dsp.
now i feel really senior!

And you've been blaming DSP all this time???????:D :D

Omigosh, there are some funny stories here! I think this thread should be renamed "Lift your depression for a while" thread!!!! It would be impossible to read this without having a good laugh!!!!

This one is very mild in comparison with some of the others, but we had such a great laugh out of it for a long time (and still laugh everytime we fly). It is more a Granddad funny moment than a Gran one though.

We were on the midnight to 6am flight from Perth back to Sydney one time, and purchased a couple of packets of chips (crisps) to take on the plane with us. Both hubby and I were unable to sleep, even though the lights were dimmed, and everyone else on the plane was snoring away happily, so I very quietly got a packet of chips out of my bag to find that the packet had blown up like a balloon (change in atmospheric pressure I guess). The packet was very round and tight..I showed it to hubby (quite a serious man most of the time) who looked at it in amazement, felt all round it, turned it upside down, squeezed it gently and ***Bang****, it burst...loudly!!! The lady in the seat next to us woke up with a start, everyone near us scrambled up in panic (it was about the time there were terrorist alerts on the airlines), the hostesses came running up the aisle with fire extinguishers, and poor old hubby was sitting there with chips all over him looking like a naughty little schoolboy who had played a practical joke and got caught red handed (and red faced)...well, no sleep for me on that flight, I giggled all the way home!!!!:D:D

....wish I'd had the camera ready:doh: :doh:

[GrandmaCrys]

:lol: :lol: :lol: JillEG, that's just too funny! I can just about imagine how a "quite serious" man would feel, having had this happen! And, what's more, I can still here you giggling all the way home! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[sammdc]

hahahahah just loving this thread yvspeck you had me laughing out loud hehehehehe

[sammdc]

Ok My story isnt near as funny as some of the ones Ive read
I was 32 weeks pregnant with my first baby ( Cameron)
We had been to an antenatal class where wed learned a bit about what happens when your waters break - and we had also done some exercises .
I went to bed as normal and about 2am woke up feeling a little weird - I felt down "below" and i was quite wet. just my middle area was wet - including the sheets .
I wondered if Id wet myself ( not that that had ever happened before ) and sniffed and no - it had no smell - so I woke Steve up and said - "I think my waters have broken .
He rang the hospital and they asked if I was having any pain. I said well no not really but I do feel a bit achy in the back.
So they told us to come straight in and they would call in my doctor.
Doctor duely arrives and gives me an exam and a test and is very perplexed. He says - well it really doesnt look like your waters have broken - doesnt even look like a slow leak . They were all very confused.
So we went home. On the way I turned to Steve and said - you dont think that maybe - by chance - the waterbed has a leak?????
Sure enough - we got home and checked and there was a tiny hole on my side of the bed . I guess because my heaviest bit was around my middle that was where the water had accumulated and of course the ache was from the exercises we had done earlier in the day.
We rang the hospital back and they were in hystserics - the doctor said it was likely to be the only time he was called out in the middle of the night to a burst waterbed.


The funniest part of this story is that when I was pregnant with my 3rd baby - at 35 weeks - the exact same thing happened again - although I was smart enough this time to check the bed BEFORE I rang the hospital!!!
Needless to say that was the end of the water bed - no more waterbeds ( and no more babies ) for me!!!

hahahahahahahahahah:lol: :lol: :lol: way funny Lauren

[sammdc]

Back when I was first taking care of Chris, they were training us on home care, which included flushing IVs, retracking IV lines through the monitor, etc. We learned everything, I took careful notes and wham! we were on our own.

About 1/2 hour after the home care had left, I hear the beeping of IV alarm, so I went through, checked the threading and reset. A few minutes later, it went off again, so again I rethreaded and reset. Again it went off, again I rethreaded. After the fourth time, I thought perhaps the line needed flushing, so I went and did a saline flush on the line and STILL it went off...

I was getting worried and read through the instructions one more time, did everything again and STILL the beeping went off... so, feeling a little panicked, I called the home care and they shipped someone out in the middle of the night to resolve the issue, bringing a new IV monitor.

We replace the monitor, rethread everything, do the flush and the alarm goes off again. The technician got an odd look on her face and said "Is that the alarm?" I said "Yes, it is."

She reached down and picked up my purse, which was sitting at the base of the IV stand and handed it to me without a word....

So THAT's what my new pager sounded like!!
ok i am officially choking on this one heheheheheheheheh this is so funny

[dagwood]

Nothing I like better than a good laugh at someone elses expense and I can just image the look on Jill's DH face on the plane!!!!! This thread is a great pick me up!!

[yvspeck]

ROFL....... Gundi, Lynnie, Liz and Jill all way funny stories and moments... Thanks for sharing... I just love this thread..... Keep them coming girls!

[jennilynn10]

hehehe so if we going racy I have a story to tell... I actually won a competition on a radio for most embarrassing story with what I am about to tell you....

The first time I went to America I took a video camera with me and every time we went some where int he car I would film out side the car window wellllll on this particular day we were driving through the swamps of Louisiana right in the Bayou country so awesome scenery but Donn and I just continued to chat away and flirt and be silly with each other and talk about all sorts of things. So now jump forward to I have just walked into my house in Australia with my mum dad and 2 daughters and there very eager to watch my video so in it goes totally unedited and everything going great till we get to the part of the drive in Louisiana and suddenly Donn and I are discussing Miracle Whip and and the many different things you could put it on (yes we went there in a very graphic way in the conversation) well needless to say You can never find the remote when you need it so I am sitting int he lounge room with my kids and parents while this blasted video is playing showing all the lovely swamps of Louisiana while Donn and i have this very explicit conversation I think I started yelling coughing sneezing anything to distract and drown out the conversation on the tape while i rapidly tried to turn the darn thing off.

:lol: :lol: :lol: Lol Caro! Do you mean Cool Whip? Miracle whip - yuck! :shocked: No wonder why you were so embarassed! :lol: :lol:

edit: oh good, I'm glad to see we got that cleared up! Although Liz's remark was hilarious!

[jennilynn10]

:lol: :lol: I am loving all the stories!!! Very funny! I think I like Gail's the best! he he

Well, most of my embarassing moments happened before I had kids (they must have mellowed me out some). One summer, before I was married, I went to Costa Rica for 8 weeks. I stayed with a local family and went to a small Spanish language school. So, of course, I tried to speak as much Spanish as I could. But, when learning a new language, it is very easy to make mistakes. Once I was with a rather large group of locals about my age, and I said something the wrong way. Well, I meant to say "I'm embarassed." Pronunciation is very important and instead I announced to the group "I have a p***s"!!! Much laughter from the group. They finally told me what I said (one girl had to use hand gestures :lol:) Of course then I Really knew how embarassment felt!

[Avril]

:lol::lol::lol: I could not stop laughing at this thread just so funny, cheered me up no end.....

[kaybutler@mweb.]

..I had a fabric/decor shop and the very very cute Bilchick rep was showing me all their new products ..I spent the entire time referring to his beautiful ornate Dado rails as DILDOS !!! OMG !! How did he manage to keep a straight face ???????? I still DIE when I think of that ..(I never saw him again ..they sent a lady the next time !!!)

[yvspeck]

..I had a fabric/decor shop and the very very cute Bilchick rep was showing me all their new products ..I spent the entire time referring to his beautiful ornate Dado rails as DILDOS !!! OMG !! How did he manage to keep a straight face ???????? I still DIE when I think of that ..(I never saw him again ..they sent a lady the next time !!!)



:lol: :lol: :lol: Priceless!
Now this sticky beak wants to know what a Dado rail is?

[kaybutler@mweb.]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Priceless!
Now this sticky beak wants to know what a Dado rail is?

Just google it sweet turkey kicker !!! :lol: :lol: :lol: Have just finished reading these ..OMG ..my sides are aching and I am still giggling so hard ....:lol: :lol: :lol: SK..yours is priceless (and beyond redemption !!!!!)

[Fulltime RVer]

OK, I read Robbie's post....hilarious!!! However....Margie is on a cruise so I have a week before she calls me :shocked:

Here it goes, kinda long but you need the background: I had to fly to Dallas from Chicago for a business trip with a co worker. I had packed a se* toy (I'll call it a giraffe here to keep it clean) since I was going to be gone a week (this was a long time ago mind you...well before 9/11...and no, I don't know what I was thinking...lol). Anyway, I forgot to bring my driver's license and had no ID with me so it took everything I had to get them to let me on the plane. Of course, since I had no ID, my bags had to be checked by hand...and by the grace of God, either they didn't find my giraffe or just never said anything.

On the way home....I figured it was gonna be the same routine, so I carefully wrapped my giraffe in my underwear. Dirty underwear, mind you, and buried in that suitcase. Again, they manually went through my bag and didn't find it....whew!!!

So, I'm all confident that I've made it through security and am on my way home without any giraffe issues to embarrass me. My co worker and I board the plane, it fills up, and the plane starts to back away from the gate.

Then...the plane jerks to a halt...and over the loudspeaker I hear: "Would passenger Gail Simpson please come to the front of the aircraft?" Oh, crap....I get up there (every annoyed passenger watching me) and the stew says, "This security officer would like to have a word with you." This BIG guy was standing there, and I when I asked him what was wrong, he said: "I'm sorry, ma'am, but your suitcase is vibrating and we need you to unlock it so we can see what's in there."

Let me tell you...I almost lost it for wanting to giggle out loud...I had to go back to my seat, get my key, and go down a portable stairway with this guy to the tarmac. And when I stepped out of that plane.....with who knows how many people on the left side of the plane watching me.....I saw, there on the tarmac, my lone suitcase many yards away, surrounded by four men dressed in black who were watching it warily.

Oh, and the humiliation doesn't stop there! I knelt down to unlock the suitcase...and just before I opened it, I looked up....and ALL FIVE of those guys had their faces INCHES away from me, wanting to see!!! (guess they thought it was safe at that point...lol) I looked up at the guy who dragged me down there, and just said..."It's my giraffe....I can show you, but do they all have to see it too??" He made them go away, and I dug out the dirty underwear and pulled out the giraffe, which had started by itself and was still going full blast, showed it to him (and probably all those passengers staring at me), and I bet he turned seventeen different shades of red...after I packed it back up (sans batteries), I had to get back on that plane, and never knew if anyone else knew what had happened, except my co worker (who is still trying to figure out how they ever heard it going over the roar of the plane engines), who made sure that everyone back at the office heard about it!

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

I am so glad I finished my bowl of soup before I read this!

[Margie]

gail! you're so bad, and waiting til i was gone too! you ALMOST got away with it too!!! but no, we don't have the word giraffe bleeped out, lucky you!!! :D :lol:

[evergreen100]

..I had a fabric/decor shop and the very very cute Bilchick rep was showing me all their new products ..I spent the entire time referring to his beautiful ornate Dado rails as DILDOS !!! OMG !! How did he manage to keep a straight face ???????? I still DIE when I think of that ..(I never saw him again ..they sent a lady the next time !!!)

OMG!!!!! Breakfast cereal ALL OVER the monitor and keyboard!!!!!!:lol: :lol: :lol:

[evergreen100]

:lol: :lol: :lol: Priceless!
Now this sticky beak wants to know what a Dado rail is?

Apparently you already know what a dildo is???????:eek: :eek: :shocked: :D

[dagwood]

How priceless is that!!!! Thanks for my morning laugh Kay!!

[sammdc]

..I had a fabric/decor shop and the very very cute Bilchick rep was showing me all their new products ..I spent the entire time referring to his beautiful ornate Dado rails as DILDOS !!! OMG !! How did he manage to keep a straight face ???????? I still DIE when I think of that ..(I never saw him again ..they sent a lady the next time !!!)

hahahahahah hahhahahahahaha lmao this is just hilarious

[yvspeck]

Apparently you already know what a dildo is???????:eek: :eek: :shocked: :D



Geesh Jill I just spit all my yummy M&M all over my keyboard :lol: :lol: :lol: Yes I guess I know what a girraffe is....:lol: :lol::lol:

[GailS]

gail! you're so bad, and waiting til i was gone too! you ALMOST got away with it too!!! but no, we don't have the word giraffe bleeped out, lucky you!!! :D :lol:

Uh oh......CAUGHT!.......:yikes: :o

[sands_healy]

Why oh why did I wait so long to read this thread????? I feel as though I've been drinking, I've laughed and giggled so much!!! Thanks Grannies and GITS :lol: :lol:

[JaeDee]

Only a few grannies know that CathieMarie and I have shared a BED!! It was in Los Vegas the last night of the DSP crop in February. (I had slept with Lynnie the night before but that was like sleeping with a stone statue, she didn't move all night long and had gone to bed way before I did.) Anyway back to my story. It was probably 3 am and we were exhausted and had finally fallen into bed. GabbyG was on the floor and sssnoo and Lynnie were asleep in the other bed. Well, Cathie, my prime and proper English friend stole ALL the covers! She left me with nothing, not even the sheet! Finally I told her and she was so sorry. Then we got the giggles, trying not to wake the others and leaving poor GabbyG wondering what we were laughing about. A funny ending to a very fun day!

[LauraLou]

Grannies, grannies, grannies!!! I was feeling SO down...somewhat trapped here in FL wanting so to get back to MI for DGD's birthday, but needed here to help Rose's daughter. Then I read this thread and laughing SO hard. Yes, I have had moments, too, and will tell about them soon.

[hoozieg]

Only a few grannies know that CathieMarie and I have shared a BED!! It was in Los Vegas the last night of the DSP crop in February. (I had slept with Lynnie the night before but that was like sleeping with a stone statue, she didn't move all night long and had gone to bed way before I did.) Anyway back to my story. It was probably 3 am and we were exhausted and had finally fallen into bed. GabbyG was on the floor and sssnoo and Lynnie were asleep in the other bed. Well, Cathie, my prime and proper English friend stole ALL the covers! She left me with nothing, not even the sheet! Finally I told her and she was so sorry. Then we got the giggles, trying not to wake the others and leaving poor GabbyG wondering what we were laughing about. A funny ending to a very fun day!

I knew! I knew! (but I didn't know she stole all the covers! You should have come stayed with me! LOL!)

[hoozieg]

This story was not that embarrassing for me except for the fact that I was with DH when he said this:

We walked up to the counter in a deli in Anacortes, WA after discussing how big the sandwiches were. My DH in his affable style said, "How big are your BUNS!"

http://i224.photobucket.com/albums/dd317/JakesNana/LOL/rofl.gif

[Vallie]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Carma]

I used to own a lace, ribbon and trim shop that later became a craft and fabric store too in Las Vegas. One day a sweet little oriental lady came in and asked me in front of my husband how much lace she needed to put around the bottom of her night gown. My husband spoke right up and said "It just depends on how fast youo want to get out of it" All three of us burst out laughing.
I have some more stories to tell you about running a lace shop called the Lacy Lady! later.....hehehehehe

[Carma]

Ok one more Lace shop/craft shop story. One day at work my husband stopped in to see how things were going and we were really busy and the phone rang. My husband answered the phone with the company name and the lady on the other end of the line asked....."Do you have Styrofoam balls?, my husband took a couple of big breaths and then said yes we carry those and she then asked him "how big are they"?
He called me up to the front to answer the rest of her questions. LOLOLOL He tells this story every chance he gets to this day.
It was so funny as my parents were there at the time and my husband went the deepest red you can imagine.

[dagwood]

waiting to hear some more of your crafty shop stories Carma......your DH must have been a scream to have around sometimes!

[Carma]

When I had first opened my Lace shop oh about a year into it I started to get some weird phone calls asking if we had different nationality models. I always said no we didn't have models the lace was there for them to examine. Then one day a taxi pulled up out front and a man got out and came in and he looked around the store and asked where our models were. I said again we have no models. We then my husband told me, that he thought I should report it to Metro Police department as he thought some one was either playing a prank on me or men were thinking by the name of my store that we were selling something other than Lace. The name of the Store was Lacy Lady. Do I called and reported to them what had happened.

Time passed and one day I noticed that a man was standing across the street like he was going to catch the bus and he was watching my store. But he never did get on the bus. He would leave and get into his car an later a different man would be in the area and he was watching the store. So I called Metro police again. told them that I thought I was being stalked by some one.

About 6 weeks later I had my daughter and her little boy come for a visit for a week or so we would take him down to the store with us and set up a playpen for him and would visit etc. and enjoy some time together. On this one day, I had a customer in and she was expecting a baby. She was busy looking around and we were unpacking stock to put on the shelves. Then a man came in and walked around the store and left.....later another man came in and looked around and left. I asked what they wanted and he said he was just looking around. He was polite but I thought hmmmm this doesn't look so good. So I picked up the phone to call the police and just as I got them on the phone in came the men.....flashed their badges and told me to get off the phone. They went through the store again and walked up the stairs to a landing that had a locked door and there was a window up there with colored paper on it so no one could see into my shop from the room above. The started asking questions of me and wanted the key. I told them they would have to ask the owner of the building for a key ( this was a movie theater building). Then they asked what was behind the window....I told them to lift the paper up but be careful not to rip it......and take a look....it was a area that the theater sold popcorn, candy and soft drinks etc. They looked a bit confused.

Ok now all of a sudden I told them I think I know why you are here. I told them that I had called Metro on 3 different occasions and reported that Taxis had dropped men off and I was getting calls from men to the store and I had reported it.
We called the theater owner and he come over and let them go up into the theater and check it out and they found nothing.

They came back into my store again and showed me their badges and told me that they were undercover policemen, they apologized and told me that hey had a stake out on my store for over a month but never saw anything going on like escort services and told me that they had caught several men and were busting up a ring that had taken on names of businesses that sounded like they could be something other than what they were....a beauty salon Foxy Lady was one.....they called their escort business Foxie Ladies, then there was another one and then the final one was mine Lacy Lady and the men used the name Foxie Ladies. Taxie Drivers were handing out cards to the men in their cabs with information for the illegal busineses so they could get a taxi fare.

We all had a laugh and I was really relieved.

The next day it was in the newspaper that Foxie Ladies and Lacy Ladies had been raided and that they closed the business down as they were doing business of escort services. The article did go on to say that in the case of Lacy Lady they found no problems that no illegal things were going on in there. (why did they have to say that they had gone to my store as they had found out nothing illegal?)
Over excited reports wanting to break a story.

A week later I had two customers come in and tell me that they would no longer be doing business with me as they thought that I was a nice person and to think that I had my daughter there with her baby and was exposing them to such trash they were sorely dissapointed with me. I pulled out a copy of the article and had them read it again and the really got red in the face. Told me they were sorry and they would still shop with me etc. I got two really good sales of craft supplies and lace etc. out of that. But I wondered if anyone else had read that article in the paper and just never mentioned it to me.

So be careful what you report to the police, you might be stalked by them :yahoo: :tup: :clap: LOL

[LisasMom]

Wow Carma!! This sounds like a horror story, not a funny story! I'm glad you weren't hurt by any of those men looking for the models and such!

[Carma]

Yes, a couple of the men who were dropped off by taxi's were angry but not at me thank heaven. The Taxi Companies got in a great deal of trouble also. The men just left ticked off. LOL.

[yvspeck]

When I had first opened my Lace shop oh about a year into it I started to get some weird phone calls asking if we had different nationality models. I always said no we didn't have models the lace was there for them to examine. Then one day a taxi pulled up out front and a man got out and came in and he looked around the store and asked where our models were. I said again we have no models. We then my husband told me, that he thought I should report it to Metro Police department as he thought some one was either playing a prank on me or men were thinking by the name of my store that we were selling something other than Lace. The name of the Store was Lacy Lady. Do I called and reported to them what had happened.

Time passed and one day I noticed that a man was standing across the street like he was going to catch the bus and he was watching my store. But he never did get on the bus. He would leave and get into his car an later a different man would be in the area and he was watching the store. So I called Metro police again. told them that I thought I was being stalked by some one.

About 6 weeks later I had my daughter and her little boy come for a visit for a week or so we would take him down to the store with us and set up a playpen for him and would visit etc. and enjoy some time together. On this one day, I had a customer in and she was expecting a baby. She was busy looking around and we were unpacking stock to put on the shelves. Then a man came in and walked around the store and left.....later another man came in and looked around and left. I asked what they wanted and he said he was just looking around. He was polite but I thought hmmmm this doesn't look so good. So I picked up the phone to call the police and just as I got them on the phone in came the men.....flashed their badges and told me to get off the phone. They went through the store again and walked up the stairs to a landing that had a locked door and there was a window up there with colored paper on it so no one could see into my shop from the room above. The started asking questions of me and wanted the key. I told them they would have to ask the owner of the building for a key ( this was a movie theater building). Then they asked what was behind the window....I told them to lift the paper up but be careful not to rip it......and take a look....it was a area that the theater sold popcorn, candy and soft drinks etc. They looked a bit confused.

Ok now all of a sudden I told them I think I know why you are here. I told them that I had called Metro on 3 different occasions and reported that Taxis had dropped men off and I was getting calls from men to the store and I had reported it.
We called the theater owner and he come over and let them go up into the theater and check it out and they found nothing.

They came back into my store again and showed me their badges and told me that they were undercover policemen, they apologized and told me that hey had a stake out on my store for over a month but never saw anything going on like escort services and told me that they had caught several men and were busting up a ring that had taken on names of businesses that sounded like they could be something other than what they were....a beauty salon Foxy Lady was one.....they called their escort business Foxie Ladies, then there was another one and then the final one was mine Lacy Lady and the men used the name Foxie Ladies. Taxie Drivers were handing out cards to the men in their cabs with information for the illegal busineses so they could get a taxi fare.

We all had a laugh and I was really relieved.

The next day it was in the newspaper that Foxie Ladies and Lacy Ladies had been raided and that they closed the business down as they were doing business of escort services. The article did go on to say that in the case of Lacy Lady they found no problems that no illegal things were going on in there. (why did they have to say that they had gone to my store as they had found out nothing illegal?)
Over excited reports wanting to break a story.

A week later I had two customers come in and tell me that they would no longer be doing business with me as they thought that I was a nice person and to think that I had my daughter there with her baby and was exposing them to such trash they were sorely dissapointed with me. I pulled out a copy of the article and had them read it again and the really got red in the face. Told me they were sorry and they would still shop with me etc. I got two really good sales of craft supplies and lace etc. out of that. But I wondered if anyone else had read that article in the paper and just never mentioned it to me.

So be careful what you report to the police, you might be stalked by them :yahoo: :tup: :clap: LOL


Oh wow Carma what a scary, crazy, funny story..... :lol: :lol: :lol:

[GrandmaCrys]

Oh my gosh, Carma! What you went through was NOT funny. That someone could suspect sweet, loving, cheerful, innocent you of carrying on an *Escort Service* behind the crafty name of Lacy Lady is a hoot! :lol: :lol: :lol:

[LauraLou]

Wouldn't you know, i thought of a story last night but it went clean out of my mind by this morning. If it comes back I will write it in here.

One of my favorite stories is from my college days. I was always a clutz, I guess. Anyway, I went to a small Midwestern college the first 2 years. The field house had a curved roof that also went over the boys and girls locker rooms. The odd shapes above the locker rooms were storage. I was helping my sorority sisters take down the booths for a carnival and stepping ever so carefully from one beam to the other. Clutz that I am, I misstepped and slid through between beams partially through the ceiling below and into the boys locker room...as they were finishing football practice. My "amplitudes" kept me from falling entirely through, but there I was, dangling and kicking.

The coach, the famous "Muddy" Waters, gently pulled me the rest of the way through into the locker room of partially dressed players who were, about this time, laughing themselves silly. He had me roll up my slacks leg and I had quite a knot with a cut on top just below my knee. He offered to put my leg into the new fan-dangled Jacuzzi tub for the players' injuries. He asked me to remove my slacks. More hoots and laughter from the team.

Needless to say, I demurred and hobbled back to my dorm room to hide in embarrassment. I still have the scar below my knee, but at least I didn't take off my slacks in the boys locker room.

[LauraLou]

I would love to add two from my mom (she WAS a grandma, after all).

#1 GRANNY MOMENT: My brother and I had to take Mom to the hospital after she hit her wrist on something in the night. My brother, by this time, kept a computer log of all of Mom's extensive medical history. As the doctor read through the pages, he commented to Mom, "Oh, you had a mastectomy?" My mom looked confused, normal for her by then, and peeked down the front of her hospital gown. In surprise she said, "Oh, I guess I did."

#2 GRANNY MOMENT: My daughter was married on December 1. The morning after the wedding and reception, family gathered at the bride and groom's house for a champagne brunch and watch them open gifts. DD had the house decorated in white and Christmas green, but no tree or anything obviously Christmas. After a while, Mom looked tired and my brother and his wife started the hour drive back to the town where they and she lived.

About 10 minutes later my brother called on the cell phone. He had asked Mom if she had a good time (she didn't want to leave the reception until they turned the lights on). She sad she really had, but that this was the first Christmas no one gave HER any gifts. Poor confused Granny!!!

[Cathiemarie]

I thought the easiest way to tell this story was to scrap it. Here it is if you have the time It's a funny story about Lynnie's (formbygirls) mum. WARNING try not to be drinking if you do take a peek. Oh Ruby (http://www.digitalscrapbookplace.com/gallery/showphoto.php?photo=259370)]